Wonderful essay. I'd say — and you nod to this with re: "[preoccupation] with self-presentation — that the panopticon of social media that many millennials fear/obsess over also becomes this consistent source of delocated feedback. I find myself thinking of what the reaction and what the reaction to the reaction (and so forth) will be in writing something personal, and eventually that cycle occludes any sort of insight. I think Oyler hit on something in that 2019 essay. Personal essays do have to descend into solipsism at some point, but they also need to emerge from it and a lot of modern essays can't seem to nail that second part.
Great essay. I also take issue with the flattening of language and ideas, as well as these umbrella phrases that people hide under (e.g., "main character energy," "it's the details") to avoid interrogating their own inner worlds. But I also think that our brains, after decades of internet, tend to operate with hyperlinks; referencing others can support original thinking, when it's linking as sampling or giving credit.
You have expressed succinctly something that I’ve thought about for years. I couldn’t stand the era of personal mommy-blogs. I purposefully avoided reading them. They irritated me for many reasons. But one of the main ones was one of your points here, namely that those mommies were constantly relating the details of their lives with no time having reflected, or let things percolate, or put down roots, or congeal, or whatever metaphor you want to use. We have nine children (and three baby grandchildren now). I was in the thick of mommy life during that era. And I knew full well that making sense of things took days, weeks, sometimes years. And it never, ever happened when it was forced. It usually happened while driving, or doing dishes, or folding laundry. All of a sudden, I would realize that I had been mulling something over and all of a sudden a theme, or an insight or a resolution would dawn on me. And sometimes it would be about something from years ago or it would be a link or connection between several seemingly unrelated things. It was always a relief, and very personal and very satisfying. I could also see, in contrast, how shallow and obnoxious my thoughts about them would have been in real time. And even though these long-term insights would actually have substance, they would also be exactly the thing that seemed too real, too personal to just throw out there into the blogosphere for people to either pounce on and tear to shreds or worse, skim and forget. I much preferred to save them for in-person, two-way, real conversations with other mothers, if and when I felt the need to share it with a particular friend or felt that it would help a particular person with something they were struggling with. My husband and I also have talks over the years to younger couples at conferences and marriage-prep weekends and sometimes, these insights seemed appropriate in that context. Many times over the years, women would say to me, “You should have a blog!” Even though I love to write, the thought of writing *that* kind of thing made me sick. Anyway, I could go on and on about this particular point or any of the other reasons those blogs bugged me but then this comment would turn into an essay. Thank you so much for your essay. It has sparked another one of those real moments for me of insight, or congealing, or loop-closing of something that I’ve thought about on-and-of for years. And I won’t be blogging about it! 😄
Spot on. I’ve been thinking about the “I” a lot since reading Annie Ernaux’s work. I think there’s something subversive in her intent and use of the fictious “I” in the same way you reference here. how she leans into the fiction, knowingly, to challenge the structure/genre/expectations of the ‘novel’. Her writing comes off as suspicious of its own recall and that alone keeps me curiously invested as a reader. Obviously the element of translation plays a role with her work though
i wonder what the relationship is between the outsourced self and when the dominant mode of the internet was (and still is?) irony, the "I" forever elsewhere.
I will be thinking about this for the rest of the week. You’ve worded an idea that’s been noodling around in my head and I feel seen. Fantastic, Terry!
Wonderful essay. I'd say — and you nod to this with re: "[preoccupation] with self-presentation — that the panopticon of social media that many millennials fear/obsess over also becomes this consistent source of delocated feedback. I find myself thinking of what the reaction and what the reaction to the reaction (and so forth) will be in writing something personal, and eventually that cycle occludes any sort of insight. I think Oyler hit on something in that 2019 essay. Personal essays do have to descend into solipsism at some point, but they also need to emerge from it and a lot of modern essays can't seem to nail that second part.
Great essay. I also take issue with the flattening of language and ideas, as well as these umbrella phrases that people hide under (e.g., "main character energy," "it's the details") to avoid interrogating their own inner worlds. But I also think that our brains, after decades of internet, tend to operate with hyperlinks; referencing others can support original thinking, when it's linking as sampling or giving credit.
You have expressed succinctly something that I’ve thought about for years. I couldn’t stand the era of personal mommy-blogs. I purposefully avoided reading them. They irritated me for many reasons. But one of the main ones was one of your points here, namely that those mommies were constantly relating the details of their lives with no time having reflected, or let things percolate, or put down roots, or congeal, or whatever metaphor you want to use. We have nine children (and three baby grandchildren now). I was in the thick of mommy life during that era. And I knew full well that making sense of things took days, weeks, sometimes years. And it never, ever happened when it was forced. It usually happened while driving, or doing dishes, or folding laundry. All of a sudden, I would realize that I had been mulling something over and all of a sudden a theme, or an insight or a resolution would dawn on me. And sometimes it would be about something from years ago or it would be a link or connection between several seemingly unrelated things. It was always a relief, and very personal and very satisfying. I could also see, in contrast, how shallow and obnoxious my thoughts about them would have been in real time. And even though these long-term insights would actually have substance, they would also be exactly the thing that seemed too real, too personal to just throw out there into the blogosphere for people to either pounce on and tear to shreds or worse, skim and forget. I much preferred to save them for in-person, two-way, real conversations with other mothers, if and when I felt the need to share it with a particular friend or felt that it would help a particular person with something they were struggling with. My husband and I also have talks over the years to younger couples at conferences and marriage-prep weekends and sometimes, these insights seemed appropriate in that context. Many times over the years, women would say to me, “You should have a blog!” Even though I love to write, the thought of writing *that* kind of thing made me sick. Anyway, I could go on and on about this particular point or any of the other reasons those blogs bugged me but then this comment would turn into an essay. Thank you so much for your essay. It has sparked another one of those real moments for me of insight, or congealing, or loop-closing of something that I’ve thought about on-and-of for years. And I won’t be blogging about it! 😄
Spot on. I’ve been thinking about the “I” a lot since reading Annie Ernaux’s work. I think there’s something subversive in her intent and use of the fictious “I” in the same way you reference here. how she leans into the fiction, knowingly, to challenge the structure/genre/expectations of the ‘novel’. Her writing comes off as suspicious of its own recall and that alone keeps me curiously invested as a reader. Obviously the element of translation plays a role with her work though
This is exceptional. Thanks so much for writing and publishing Terry!
i wonder what the relationship is between the outsourced self and when the dominant mode of the internet was (and still is?) irony, the "I" forever elsewhere.
Never been clocked so bad as I was by the second-to-last paragraph...
i fucking adored every word of this
I will be thinking about this for the rest of the week. You’ve worded an idea that’s been noodling around in my head and I feel seen. Fantastic, Terry!
yes, this all hits. thank you for writing! also, Viv Gornick 4ever
I loved reading this, well done.
not me patting my back for outgrowing the personal essay form jus to be read to filth by the end of this 😭 lovez it tho...
This could be why I myself have never posted lengthy essays about ANYTHING on the net.
I absolutely loved reading this. Wonderful essay.